While I’ve never really looked into it, I wouldn’t be surprised if I turned out to be a bit of an introvert. Like many of us, I enjoy being out and about and chatting up a storm – but with limits.

If I don’t get a decent amount of quiet time just for me, I get narky. Maybe you know what I mean. It sneaks up on you. Things get a little bit more frustrating. There’s a bubbling sense of unease, that something is a bit…off. It’s just not quite how you wanted your day to go. Before long, that slow bubble turns into a creeping boil, getting more urgent and turning a bit vicious. Suddenly, you’re losing your shit over something kinda ridiculous (or is that just me, arms waving and all?)

Oops.

Beginning late last year I carved out some time for myself on Saturday mornings when Manfriend has his own activities out of the house. At first I’d spend the time doing housework (laaaaame) but now tend to do those things that are important to me: writing, reading, learning. I LOVE it!

And while I initially added that to my routine because if you want to get stuff done you have to make the time to get stuff done, it’s quickly become a really important part of my week. So much so that if I miss out, I start to feel a bit stressed and short tempered. Which probably makes me a bit annoying to be around.

So, what to do?

The first thing is to be in tune with yourself and recognise when the tension starts to creep in. Are you biting at people more easily than normal? Do you feel a low buzz of anxiety or tension that you can’t really explain but it’s just there? When things are a bit off we tend to just keep on ploughing on, because there’s just so much to do and who’s got time to stop anyway.

There’s a very fine line here, and it’s one I wrestle with often – on the one hand, if you keep on moving forward maybe you can push past the icky feeling and swing back up again. But if you push it too far you run the very real risk of just collapsing in a (shouty, teary, arm-wavery heap). Not good. Make sure you’re listening.

Next, identify what you really need. A few weeks ago, after weeks and weeks of serious back pain, poor sleep and a particularly frustrating day I was in a bad place. My mood was bla-ack. So I came home from work and told Manfriend that I’d like a night off, to lie very still and do absolutely nothing. And I did. The next day – much better! Maybe you need an evening, a 10-minute quiet break, or a weekend off (Jen writes about DIY retreats and I think it’s a fabulous idea).

Finally, and this is the biggie: once you know what you need, ask for it! So obvious, yet so often overlooked. We know what we need and want and yet we don’t ask. Maybe you expect people to notice you’re a bit down and just get it. Maybe you think you can just potter around and do your thing and it’ll be fine. But it doesn’t happen that way and if you’re anything like me you end up feeling even more frustrated and horrible when you can’t get the space you need.

Just. Ask. After a busy couple of weeks I told Manfriend that I was feeling a bit overdone and really wanted to scale it back this week; outside of normal day to day stuff (cooking, housework, blah), I wanted to go really easy on myself – more reading, more resting, more nothing. He didn’t really get it, but he supported it. If I hadn’t have said anything, he could have invited over 10 friends for dinner, or made other plans that intruded on my space. And it would have been entirely my own fault.

If you don’t speak up about what you need, you have no chance of getting it. Simple.

Now, it’s over to you – what are your warning signs? And what do you do about them? Let me know in the comments below!